Random Thoughts going through my head…

As the title suggests, this entry would be about random thoughts. It means that anything that slips or will be slipping through my mind would be written in this entry. So don’t look for the connection between each line…

I so want to go back in time and return to my younger years. I can’t believe my friends from PSM has changed so much, and still feels like the best friends I ever had when I was young. Would you believe many many years ago passed by? I can’t even believe it until I saw how happy and UNITED they were. I suppose going through life and school with the same people would eventually make all united in some way. How long have I been gone? But we’re not going back there, are we?

Don’t you ever feel like you’re walking in the clouds and that anybody you look at looks up at you and say “Look! A flying freak!”?

Do I sound all so suddenly like Gabriella Montez when I asked the question above? Eww!

And yes, I think something’s happening… AND FAST!

I don’t have a gift for a friend yet. I will buy tomorrow.

I will have the time of my life tomorrow, even if it takes me forever to have that stupid period!

I miss my PSM friends. Gracie will be coming home in the Philippines this Friday. And yes, I hope she has the time of her life. I hope I can meet her before she leaves. I WOULD definitely find the time and the place to see her. YES!!!

I miss Rosadelle. Yes, Rows is one of my closest friends in PSM. Well, 1 year is enough to be close to someone! We’ve played some and laughed some and even cried some. She’s changed, you know, because she’s physically taller I think. LOL!

My dog bugs me. Yes, he does! Yes, he does! Good boy, Marley!!!

“I’m free, I’m careless, I believe!”

I’m sleepy, much…

This isn’t really a very long blog. Maybe slightly long but not THAT long…

I can’t think of anything anymore. Goodnight!

A very quick (or not) view of my closest friends (Hidden under pseudonyms I invented)

Okay, I haven’t done this in a while. Actually, I haven’t done this before! Below is a long long list of closest and intimate friends I have met and would cherish forever. Their names are hidden under pseudonyms. There are clues scattered all over so just take a wild guess as to who they are!

This list is in random! 🙂

1.) a Cluster of Diamonds – Minnie would have to be the best friend I would ever have. She may not always be there to have a conversation with me, but I know she’s the only friend (well, one of the only friends) that would back me up. I met her during the 6th grade and yeah, we clicked. We had flaws, yes, but they’re all unavoidable. Our friendship have been tested several times, but we’re still the closest!

2.) A Joyful Carnation – she would be the only friend who I can confide with faster than anybody. I’ve known her for 5 years but I knew then that she’s one of those intimate friend type. I’ve given her soooo many things already and I know she appreciates all of it. I would always love her, too. I can’t stand a day without talking to her, maybe because I’m not used to not talk to her. And with just an sms, we’d be talking for hours!

3.) Mistress of Thankfulness – She’s a really cool photographer, and she’s a college friend. I’ve been paired with her several times in classes, and we enjoy each other’s company! She’ll be turning 18 this June!

4.) Ginger and Cinnamon – I have never seen any Sakura fan like her. Oh man! She’s really intelligent, and I sometimes envy her. Would you believe she’s 3 years younger than I? And yeah, she’s also one of my closest college friends!

5.) Beautiful as a Mermaid – She’s a best friend, too. Is it normal to have more than one best friend? How can I help it? She’s a really cool friend! She introduced me to a lot of cool things, so I pay respect to her! I can’t leave her alone, you know!

6.) A Keepsake of Memories – I love this guy. He has overwhelmed me sometimes, but I don’t care. He’s been inside my heart for 8 1/2 years now. And like his pseudonym, he’s very memorable!

7.) Amulet of Bearings – she is a funny, and always trustworthy friend I have known since High School, and until now, we’re still together. We go to the same college and share the same course. She is, I AM TELLING YOU, a very funny friend.

8.) Glorious Roses – is my now Canadian Immigrant friend. We’ve been exchanging letters since last year and this year, I plan to continue that. I love her so, even though she’s so far away! I miss you my glorious rose!

9.) Keeper of Victories – is my super small (hehehe) friend. She’s not that small, honestly, but I know she’s always there to talk to me. I am not that close to her, so anyway…. But I love her so! I do, really!

10.) Autumn in Blessedness – is my 4th year high school closest classmate. She’s really pretty and kind, and I do love her dearly. I miss her, too! And I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. But I always find time to greet her and know how she’s doing. I do that, you know!

As you may know, I can’t put everybody here at once! I’ll try to add an entry showing the one I truly loved . . . As if I have a list of that! Hahahahahaha

The Sweetest Surprise

Damn, I just love this song. Yes, it’s a song title. A song sang by Michael Learns to Rock. I’ve been hearing it for quite some time now. I don’t know why, though. I think it’s the tune and not the actual message of the song.

I never knew life could be like this. Never thought that I would be the one that you would kiss.

So you see, in the first line, it kinda indicates that this is for those who are lovers and beloveds. So it doesn’t really add up to ME!

But anyway, I’ve been having this… weird thoughts. I can’t seem to control them. I guess I have to thank a certain friend of mine for all the trouble it is causing me. Nah, I’m just kidding! It’s nothing, really. It’s just that… it’s making my life a little slower than usual. Because usually, I’m in a hurry all the time. I never stop doing anything. Yes, I do cram, but I do it so fast that I finish early. But now… I’ve been slow. I wonder why.

Is it because of the person I’m talking about in my last entry?

Gosh, I sure wish he won’t ever know. I’d be caught dead before he even find out, that’s for sure. I don’t want him to know that I am his admirer!

What the hell is happening to me???

This shouldn’t be so.

I shouldn’t be like this.

I should feel relaxed and calm and patient and happy.

Yes, I am happy. I’ve been very happy lately. But there’s something missing perhaps.

Oh yeah, I’m conceptualizing about this story I have in mind. It’s about my two favorite actors in the classic era. But I’m afraid nobody would like it. So I’m thinking of just writing it on a notebook or somewhere, so I’d be the only one to read it, and everybody won’t call me weird, using dead people as my main characters. But honestly, they all feel so alive to me even if Keanu or Sandra or Meg Ryan or Tom Hanks or Julia Roberts are all still alive. There’s nobody else like Bette Davis or Joan Crawford, or even Judy Garland. I guess I really did live during their time, but then again that would be so impossible.

Anyway, I’ll tell you how it goes. There’s this man who works for a printing press who wrote something that wasn’t supposed to be written. So, in order to avoid suing and all that, his boss sent him on probation. That’s where the girl comes in. She’s the probation officer, sent there in his office to guard him. So of course he’s irritated with the whole idea, but he can’t do anything about it. Anything he says that he knew he’d regret would be written in the girl’s notepad. Eventually, after office hours, the girl still looks out on him, and even takes him home. One day, though, while still on probation, the man suddenly feels different around the girl. He feels funny, he always say. And when he decided to take her home, he realizes something. He sees a bush with a white carnation planted by it and took one flower. He then throws the flower to the girl and the girl catches it. And then, she goes inside waving goodbye as the man walks farther and farther. They were both smiling.

That’s most of it, but I’m planning on adding more. There’s a catch, I think. But I can’t tell!

Deck the Andrew Building halls…

Wow! How long has it been since I have last written here? Is that… well, unusual or have I silenced myself recently? Honestly, this is not the only medium I write things about. I have a diary named Duchess Greer, and most of the time I talk to her. Yes, she’s a woman. I have had a total of 3 serious diaries. Unlike Betty Cooper, I am such a useless writer. I haven’t finished any of those three and I guess in Greer’s case, I wouldn’t finish it, too! I just saw a very interesting diary in National Bookstore and I am actually planning on buying one. I don’t get to see new hardbound pretty little things every day, so I just have to have one! And one other thing, I remember Deborah a.k.a “Debbie”, my second diary, she’s actually sort of like a scrappy bookish type of journal. And I think she’s rather pretty (The diary, I mean!) and colorful. That’s how I want my diaries. . . full of life like me!

Anyhoo, see the title? Well, deck the Andrew Building Halls! We would be returning to LaSalle in a couple of days, 2 days actually, to get our course cards. I would be the happiest girl on earth if I pass all of my classes. At least a 3.0 or a 2.5! I would so want to be DL again. Even the slightest hinch would most certainly do! Gee, I wish I would have a GPA of 3.00000001! That would so complete this wonderful Christmas. Have I mentioned I am feeling so lucky this week? I entered two contests on AXN and I have the strongest feeling I’ll win a Keanu TSHIRT! I would really love that. And then there’s this Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman movie that I entered as well. I think there’s a journal there that can be won, but I’m not really that sure! Here I go again with the journal thing! I get too talkative at times that I get carried away. And that’s a bad idea, I am telling you! It’s not good! I would love to have a 5000 pieces puzzle that I would finish with my dad. Sort of like a father-daughter bonding experience. Ha! I beat him in Sudoku all the time, and he don’t mind at all! I would really love to buy any adult jigsaw puzzle, since Judith a friend of mine brought it all up. It’s such prettiness what with all those disney characters!

This entry is kinda taking long and I am having a headache right now so I guess I’ll be seeing you!

What you may want to know about me… NOW!!!

Life is rough. It’s a good thing I have sand paper to keep it smooth. When I say sandpaper, I don’t mean the black rough paper that people use to smoothen wood or to light up a match or something. Of course, when I mentioned sandpaper, I meant everything that may make my life smooth, whether it’s people or things. But I still believe life is rough, no matter how many times we smoothen it with sandpaper. I believe that we are all in the same vindication that our life still lack something. We don’t know for sure, but we do feel there’s a hole in our heart. And if I’m not mistaken, this hole can never be filled up that easily, because there are just so many hindrances that we may encounter.

I would be listing some few things about who I am now. I know it’s not really THAT connected from my introduction. I just wanted to introduce the essence of Life in most of us today. But then again, I may still be wrong. I know I’m not always right!

All rightey, let’s get started. I would be jotting down everything about myself and I would be explaining as to why I am like that. I’m not sure how many I would be including, but the point is to get the message in each of it.

ONE ~ I am currently fantasizing a dream of mine, that the sooner I get to a new relationship this year, the sooner I’ll be happy. I have exactly no concrete explanation for this. Basically, I am always daydreaming that I’d be with a guy, and that most of my dreams nowadays involve a guy! I just feel that somehow, I am alone. I don’t have much guy friends, for the fact that I am just too shy to even confront them personally. To some guys, I may be close but… I just don’t know why! Can’t help it, I guess!

TWO ~ I’m really into teaching now, whether or not the money may be small. I guess being the one thing you wanted the most would absolutely make you happy. And I am confident that I would be making a lot of student friends when I become their teacher! It wouldn’t hurt me, for sure!

THREE ~ whenever I see the picture of my former, I just melt away. I just adore guys in glasses! I’m telling you, even drawings of guys with glasses turn me on! It’s true, my ideal guy would have to be tall and probably with glasses.

I’m totally out of ideas right now, but I am most certain that there would come a day that I would elaborate more on this… Right now, I need to get some sleep!

And the crowd goes wild!

Okay, after all the asking and the advice giving and the approaching of everybody else I knew, I have come to the conclusion that would serve as the fatal end to this dilemna I am having.

Let’s be frank. I know I’ve been having this confused feeling these past few weeks. But now, since I’ve talked to most of my friends and their advice seem to be the same and very much effective, and I mean all of them, I would think that what I should do in the next few days would definitely end this fantasy.

Just like in Araby, I know that I’m in this delusion. That for some reason, I’m enjoying my time inside a fantasy world that nobody can ruin. But let’s not forget that it’s not real life. I need to get out of it as soon as possible. It’s killing my senses, making me do things I don’t even want to do, and it’s ruining my body clock!

I don’t want to pretend that it has ended, because seriously it hasn’t. I just want to keep it cool for some time, until I’ve moved on. I want to make sure I’m feeling the right thing, and if I should continue feeling it. It would completely make my day more on the intellectual side, because from now on I’d finally focus on my studies and be inspired (through this crushy feeling) at the same time! After all, I’ve felt this feeling so many times now (have I mentioned I felt it in a lady? Well, she’s an actress and like a friend of mine I know I’m admiring not her kindness and persona, but her beauty. What’s so wrong about that?) I know I’m going to forget about it eventually, until God has given me ample time to think. Maybe then he’d tell me, or show me, who the lucky guy is! If he did tell me in my age now, I just don’t know what I’ll do. This would certainly mean that the time has come, and the crowd goes wild! But I’ll be the only one not going wild, because maybe I won’t be as much pleased as I have to be. That guy would probably ruin everything in the process and hurt me and break my heart, so as long as I’m in college, let’s just concentrate on the basics, and the Honorable Mention diploma and the means to graduate all the same. I would want to pursue an MA in Teaching Literature. I sure wish I’d pass it!

To conclude this sudden intrusion of minds, I would like to emphasize on one thing; that no matter how hard it is to move on to the next, I would certainly never forget how happy I was during the times I had this major crush on him. I still have, but I won’t say it’s major. Did I mention one of my friends told him what I was actually feeling? Would that be normal for a friend to say? I don’t think it is, but I actually dared her to say it, so I guess I was the loser in the end.

At least, somehow, through somebody, he knows. I hope he understands that it’s just a crush and nothing more. I know it’s kind of childish of me to still have a High School Major Crush thing going on, and I plan to stop eventually, but I just can’t stop thinking about him! Let me put it this way. When I think of him through my hardships, like being too stressed of school work, I’d probably smile about it because I know that through reminiscing these memories, I’d grow stronger and not be too stressed anymore. Yes, I am so happy, you could say that. Happy because I smile for him, I laugh because of him, I sing happy songs because of him. And most of all, I am alive because of him…

What I learned from Morrie Schwartz

It’s not so common for me to cry over a sad movie. I knew that within me, I have this self control over crying. So by and by, when I watch sad and tear jerker movies, I don’t cry! But I find it different for Morrie Schwartz and his wonderful lessons from Tuesdays with Morrie. It’s a wonderful book. But reading it requires a vivid imagination of how the characters look like, or how the story took its place… Luckily, I didn’t have a hard time when I saw the movie adaptation of it. For the first time in my life, I just couldn’t stop crying when I saw it!

Here are some of the lessons Morrie taught not only Mitch, but me as well… I will add my own experiences to further explain them!

1. Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live

~Okay, let’s be metaphorical. Let’s make believe that the dying part applies on a relationship that ended. I’ve been hurt once, and yes, it feels like the end of the world. But that doesn’t mean that that’s the end! It’s not! It’s only the beginning. Why? Because with that ending, we learn to move on! We learn to live once more. We learn that the end doesn’t always mean THE END! It’s the beginning of a new and fresher life!

2. Learn to forgive yourself, and forgive others

~This may be hard. We tend to blame ourselves for the things we didn’t even do. But we regret not blaming ourselves in some cases. Guilt is one futile enemy, if I were to be asked. But as long as we forgive others and ourselves, life goes on as smooth as silk!

I’ve never had a fight that didn’t push me to say sorry. I’ve always had the initiative. And now, we’re friendlier than ever!

3. What’s wrong with being number 2?

~Bottom line is if we’re number 2, we’re sitting right beside number 1. How near could we get??? I’d rather be number 2 than number 10!

4. Death ends a life, not a relationship

~I don’t really have anything to say here. I’m not sure what I’ll have to say!

5. There is no such thing as ‘too late’ in life!

~Yes! If first you don’t succeed, try and try again. And if you try harder, it’s never too late!

So you see, if you’re living, you live your life to its fullest. You borrowed it, and the Lord has lent in to you wholeheartedly!

And I quote, “Flirting with Rustiness, and Flattering without!”

This would be, and I consider it, another 1706 blog; A blog I write when I’m in the computer lab at school. It’s not a cool thing, you know. It’s not usual for me to do this all the time. Well, maybe if the teachers are not around.

I read my horoscope just before I went to wordpress. It says I’ve been flirting in a rusty way. It added that I should be more flattering to others. Wow! Since when have I been flattering? If I was a man, I could maybe consider myself a flattering individual because of the fact that I am a man. That is IF I WAS ONE, but I’m not. So, I’m not making any sense right now!

Okay, so I still don’t understand this feeling that I have. What if the time came and I was walking with him, AND A FRIEND WHO I’LL DRAG TO COME WITH ME, and he asks me something and I couldn’t look at him straight and all I could say is “huh?” and he’ll laugh at me and… and… ooh! This is embarrassing right now. What if he reads this? What if he finds out I’m “infatuated”? And the bottom line of that infatuation is HIM??? What if I stop now before anything else happens? What if?

This is not for real yet. As I’ve said, infatuation. Period. No erasures. I am, maybe, in cloud nine. I’m floating and I am not able to go down, because I don’t want to. I am in a position where nobody could help me. Only I could help myself, for sure!

Okay, I have to end this entry here. I have to go somewhere now. CLASS!!! PREVAIM!!! SIR MUNOZ!!! BLOCK 4!!! FOR REAL!!!

~April21

So What About It?

I’m not sure why my blog is titled this way. There’s a whole bunch of stress vibes in me right now, making me confused, overreacting, irritating, irritable, umpredictable, hateful, sonofabi****, whatever!

I guess PMS may have something to do with it. I still have one full week to enjoy before it’s the time of the month again… It’s not that I don’t like it, or hate it, it’s just so sticky and uncomfortable for someone who goes to school in a bus and a jeep and a trycicle and all those things! I just don’t feel it to be fun, that’s all!

But I’m very thankful to have it regularly, meaning I’m not irreg… if you know what I mean…

Anyway, I just finished my story. So what about it?

To tell you honestly, I feel my character being too weak. But it’s too late to change him now, he’ll be fit for it somehow. But I want the story to expand, you know, not just as a short story. It’s not just a short story. It’s a long story. It needs more chapters to be fully understood, which I haven’t done yet! It needs more characters. It needs more plot and setting and meaning and symbols. IT NEEDS MORE!!!

Don’t worry. I’ll try to do that after the term has ended! 😉

I had a chat with “My Walter” today. I won’t write his name here, that would be too personal. My Walter, let’s just say, is a typical Walter Pidgeon. He’s debonair, tall, with dark hair, and is so handsome. And funny too, and for the wrong reason! I feel like I’m Greer Garson whenever he speaks to me! It’s heaven, if I may put it that way. I feel like I’m on a cloud, waiting so impatiently as he greets me, says hello, everything! It’s magic to my eyes and happiness to my heart. I feel so happy! So what about it?

Guess what? I’ll be doing my Christmas Shopping on the 21st of December. I hope it happens! I have a tendency to cancel on such a late basis. So what about it?

And then, I feel so tired today, and an a****** in such a way my head hurts. I understand I’ve spoken way to painfully to a friend of mine, but I guess all that needs is a compromise. An understanding of what is right and what needs to be done. I apologized for what cause I’ve done. It’s a tendency that I have, to be too proud of myself. I need more time to think. I’m like Vincent Miniver, from the movie? He kept talking and talking until Carol told him that that’s all he could do. And nothing else! I mean hello? If you’re a good talker, you have to be a good listener, too. And action speaks louder than words!

So what about it? I don’t know. I don’t know what I care for anymore. I know now how important I am to other people… 🙂

The New Cousin….

Hark the herald angel sing, Glory to the new born king!

It’s one hell of a christmas gift, isn’t it? I am now another sister to a new cousin named Lawrence. Isn’t he just the sweetest thing you’d ever see? I love him already, as much as I love my other baby cousins. I am so glad I’m an ate to them, or else I won’t be as much happier as I am now. It’s a joyful year, isn’t it?