A Lovely, Merry, and certainly WONDERFUL Christmas

I would like to express my deepest thanks to the people who made my Christmas be the happiest day yet! I was so surprised to have found out that most of my gifts were either a book or something I would truly treasure for the rest of my life. And there have been so many greetings that have so much love and care that I almost cried while I was reading it. Thank you so much!

All right, I’ll write the names of the people who made me happy this day:

To my parents and my siblings who gave their blessings and love, AND GIFTS!

To my friends Jonielyn, Meyne, Mariz, Genesis, Jeannie, Mako, Aurora, Rendon Jason, Kairen, and so many others that I can’t remember, for making me smile with just a simple greeting, AND GIFTS!

To my auntie Gigi, Lola and Lolo, Beth, Matt, and even the dog COSME for being so kind and hospitable a while ago.

And for the makers of that wonderful 3D puzzle!

Hahaha, and for Kate’s book, and Greer’s too! They’re both such wonderful people once you took a gander of their private lives.

I’m very H.A.P.P.Y

Do you know why I’m happy? Well, I just got all my grades for this term and it paid off big time! I am once again DL! Could you just believe that?

I AM SO HAPPY!!!

And yeah, I’ve seen Madame Curie. I can’t imagine how it was before. Actually, it’s quite geeky and sullen if you know what I mean. But then again, I love Chemistry and all that so I honestly enjoyed it! And the way my favorite duo (Walter and Greer) played Marie and Pierre’s roles are just divinely good. I don’t even want to think of who would have played it better. They just play husband-and-wife roles superbly and with class. I love it! There’s just Blossoms in the Dust and Mrs. Parkington to watch and I’d be very happy!

What else makes me happy? Ooh! Jonie would be coming tomorrow. I guess I better borrow big brother’s Play Station, so we’d play and play and. . . Oh you know, PLAY! I hope mom and dad won’t mind, because we haven’t seen each other since. . . August I think! I hope Meyne won’t mind that we’d crash her place tomorrow afternoon, after we’ve been here and done that!

I am also enjoying this book I’m reading, about Katharine Hepburn. It’s amazing how one person could actually be inside her life just by reading a memoir of a friend to her. And lately, I’ve found out so many things about Hollywood back then and how it evolved to the Hollywood of today. In my opinion, the Hollywood before would always be SO MUCH BETTER than now, not that I don’t enjoy seeing movies of today. It’s just not as amazing to me!

And I bought my mom a bracelet. I hope she’ll like it. I bought it from St. Paul’s which she reminded me before, so now it’s real and I’m so proud of myself!

And yeah, I haven’t bought my dad anything except the square thing.

I’m just so happy!

I am so fed up with things right now…

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. Or is there anything wrong with me? I don’t know for sure. What I am sure about is the fact that I am not myself right now, because there are things I think I needed to let go here. Last night, I sort of fantasized again about “us” which isn’t really real or something. I was dreaming that we were dancing, and that I was resting my head on his shoulders and that he was singing something to me..

I have to stop this teenaged fantasy! I have to..

I need to unwind, I need to open myself and release. But the real problem is. . . I don’t know how! I don’t even know why he’s not speaking to me! I know I’m doing something terribly wrong but it doesn’t really matter now, does it? I’ve tried avoiding every single contact with him on the cellphone, to see whether or not he would care. I guess he doesn’t. I know he cares for me, somehow. But not as much as I care for him. You know what there really is something wrong with me! I think I’m not my usual self because I’m trying to push myself against the limits of this imaginative mind I have. It’s like being thrown overboard a ship and then some dashing young man jumps off and saves you, and brings you to the shore safely or something. But then again I think that’s another of those over-the-top fantasies any girl like me would want to have come true.

I’ll say my favorite line again for the sake of this untitled entry, “This is really frustrating!”

There’s gotta be something wrong with me if I kept this up until next year! I wanted to swear to myself that I would stop this nonsense thing when the year ends. But am I capable of doing that alone? We haven’t even talked about anything for a month now! It’s really frustrating because I am like chasing after nothing and that I am actually enjoying that chase. I gotta find a way to stop this.

Until I finish this entry, I still would not have an answer to this problem I am having. It would seem that I need to go to the Coffee Bean with some friends and talk about unsolvable problems, like the one Isabel Bigolow was having in the movie remake of Bewitched which I happen to have watched a while ago. It’s a good movie, btw!

Enough about Bewitched. No, I don’t think I’ll end the Bewitched topic just yet. I so want to be a witch. I want to snap my fingers and get whatever I want that is good for everybody. But then again it’s good being normal. At least nobody would want to avoid you or be afraid of you or something. They might even love you for being you and not for being somebody else!

Did that hurt somehow? I don’t know. . .

Why didn’t I let my feeling show while there was time for you to know? Why didn’t I tell you when I could, that I love you?

These wonderful and very emotional lines from the song Please Stay by Roselle Nava just couldn’t leave my mind right now. There’s another song in my head right now that is currently playing. It’s in Tagalog, so I won’t bother translating anymore. I don’t want to hurt my head anymore. I am thinking of too many things right now so let’s leave it that way!

I think I should stop writing now. It’s getting late and I don’t want to think of anything more. . . Tootles!

~ Duchess April

Deck the Andrew Building halls…

Wow! How long has it been since I have last written here? Is that… well, unusual or have I silenced myself recently? Honestly, this is not the only medium I write things about. I have a diary named Duchess Greer, and most of the time I talk to her. Yes, she’s a woman. I have had a total of 3 serious diaries. Unlike Betty Cooper, I am such a useless writer. I haven’t finished any of those three and I guess in Greer’s case, I wouldn’t finish it, too! I just saw a very interesting diary in National Bookstore and I am actually planning on buying one. I don’t get to see new hardbound pretty little things every day, so I just have to have one! And one other thing, I remember Deborah a.k.a “Debbie”, my second diary, she’s actually sort of like a scrappy bookish type of journal. And I think she’s rather pretty (The diary, I mean!) and colorful. That’s how I want my diaries. . . full of life like me!

Anyhoo, see the title? Well, deck the Andrew Building Halls! We would be returning to LaSalle in a couple of days, 2 days actually, to get our course cards. I would be the happiest girl on earth if I pass all of my classes. At least a 3.0 or a 2.5! I would so want to be DL again. Even the slightest hinch would most certainly do! Gee, I wish I would have a GPA of 3.00000001! That would so complete this wonderful Christmas. Have I mentioned I am feeling so lucky this week? I entered two contests on AXN and I have the strongest feeling I’ll win a Keanu TSHIRT! I would really love that. And then there’s this Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman movie that I entered as well. I think there’s a journal there that can be won, but I’m not really that sure! Here I go again with the journal thing! I get too talkative at times that I get carried away. And that’s a bad idea, I am telling you! It’s not good! I would love to have a 5000 pieces puzzle that I would finish with my dad. Sort of like a father-daughter bonding experience. Ha! I beat him in Sudoku all the time, and he don’t mind at all! I would really love to buy any adult jigsaw puzzle, since Judith a friend of mine brought it all up. It’s such prettiness what with all those disney characters!

This entry is kinda taking long and I am having a headache right now so I guess I’ll be seeing you!

Wishlist ko sa pasko

1. Pillow as in huge pillow ah! Na me drawing ng kahit sinong character
2. Christmas card from my overseas friends…
3. Stuffed Smiley hahaha…
4. Tigger, lots of him!
5. Paper
6. Tshirt
7. Shoes
8. Dress
9. Simbang gabi with family AND friends
10. or any church masses basta me friends
11. good grades
12. roadtrips
13. food tripping sa MOA
14. The Day the Earth Stood Still!!!
15. Greetings from THE CLOSEST FRIENDS I HAVE
16. Makapagdonate ng at least 200 sa misa hahah kasi hindi ko pa nagagawa un ever
17. Makapagdrawing ng as in sobrang ganda
18. Greeting from ehem!
19. Malling kasama si Jonie, si Kai, si Meyne, siya, si mama and papa and kuya, sina Mariz, si Gen kasi tapos na, si Jeannie, basta malling!
20. Peace on Earth…

AHAHAHAH… ang arte ko noh? I just want to greet everybody a blissful Christmas! Mwah! I love you all!

There’s really nothing I can do

This would be a code switching entry, for I need to explain things in two languages. I want all of you to know that I am really disappointed with myself. Of all people I could really fall head over heels to, why would it be him? Bakit nga ba sa kanya pa? I can’t understand myself, honestly. We barely even talk, we barely see each other, and we’re miles and miles apart! Hindi ko na actually alam ang gagawin ko. Nagpapakatanga lang ba talaga me? I am not certain about it. It’s not in my position to say so. And is this normal? I just can’t understand any of it! There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s really bugging me to pieces.

What you may want to know about me… NOW!!!

Life is rough. It’s a good thing I have sand paper to keep it smooth. When I say sandpaper, I don’t mean the black rough paper that people use to smoothen wood or to light up a match or something. Of course, when I mentioned sandpaper, I meant everything that may make my life smooth, whether it’s people or things. But I still believe life is rough, no matter how many times we smoothen it with sandpaper. I believe that we are all in the same vindication that our life still lack something. We don’t know for sure, but we do feel there’s a hole in our heart. And if I’m not mistaken, this hole can never be filled up that easily, because there are just so many hindrances that we may encounter.

I would be listing some few things about who I am now. I know it’s not really THAT connected from my introduction. I just wanted to introduce the essence of Life in most of us today. But then again, I may still be wrong. I know I’m not always right!

All rightey, let’s get started. I would be jotting down everything about myself and I would be explaining as to why I am like that. I’m not sure how many I would be including, but the point is to get the message in each of it.

ONE ~ I am currently fantasizing a dream of mine, that the sooner I get to a new relationship this year, the sooner I’ll be happy. I have exactly no concrete explanation for this. Basically, I am always daydreaming that I’d be with a guy, and that most of my dreams nowadays involve a guy! I just feel that somehow, I am alone. I don’t have much guy friends, for the fact that I am just too shy to even confront them personally. To some guys, I may be close but… I just don’t know why! Can’t help it, I guess!

TWO ~ I’m really into teaching now, whether or not the money may be small. I guess being the one thing you wanted the most would absolutely make you happy. And I am confident that I would be making a lot of student friends when I become their teacher! It wouldn’t hurt me, for sure!

THREE ~ whenever I see the picture of my former, I just melt away. I just adore guys in glasses! I’m telling you, even drawings of guys with glasses turn me on! It’s true, my ideal guy would have to be tall and probably with glasses.

I’m totally out of ideas right now, but I am most certain that there would come a day that I would elaborate more on this… Right now, I need to get some sleep!