To my dearest dear of all dears in the world…
12 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
I am nervous right now as I type this. I feel tensed, or unfocused, as I do this now. Let us just pretend that I’m writing to you for the last time. (Of course, there will be other times. Other painful or happy or good times…) There is not much I can say about the exact feeling I am having right now as I do this. The constant clicking sound of the keyboard is making me a little less tensed, so it’s good to continue for as long as I like. In short, I find typing very relaxing.
Where to start, I wonder? Hmm. Let’s get straight to the point. I love you. There’s nothing else to say. If I add an intensifier, like VERY MUCH or SO MUCH or SO or just MUCH or maybe even “UNTIL I DIE” or “UNTIL THE END OF TIME”, (to make it more exaggerating, because your dear Orange girl is so fond of it!), then it will just intensify what I truly feel. I’ve never loved any guy as much as I love you. That is why, to be perfectly honest, I am both frightened or scared, and at the same time I am happy, loved, blessed, inspired (or bored) and very much alive and kicking. You brought me to a world I’ve never dreamed I’d see. You brought happiness to a very shy, awkward-to-be-with, wallflower whose dreams in life is solely for her own sake only. But now, it seems utterly impossible to dream about only myself. I am now thinking about the future. I am now thinking what else I could do with my life with someone who I know will be there for me no matter what happens. We do not know yet what the future holds, but it would be my pleasure, even my sincerest wish, to be with you in that future we so want to see.
I’ve grown accustomed to your face, your smile, your sentiments, your jokes, your laughter, your quirkiness, your sense of domination, too! Anyway, guys should be like that. Dominant but kind. I know I am not making much sense right now. It’s always my weakness to write whatever it is that pops out of my mind in just a split of a second. I know I want to tell you so much things but the truth is, I can only remember just a few of those things. Perhaps one day, I might be able to tell you everything. Not now.
I am so happy we got through our first month together (in spirit!). We barely see each other. My sister is right. We somehow lack that constant communication. In my opinion, it doesn’t really matter that much. I admire you, envy you even, for your sense of determination and your willingness to sacrifice even one that is important to you. I envy you because you already know where you’re going with your life. I envy you because you have a sense of direction in life. When you’re 30, you know very well where you would be. As for me? Well, let’s just say I’m enjoying the present too much that I don’t want to leave. Well, not just yet. I know this doesn’t make much sense to you as it does to me but the thing is, I feel left out. I feel so alone.
But I don’t feel THAT alone. I know someone is with me always. He is there, God. You are there. My parents, my family, my friends, my children… they’re all there! So why am I ranting to you like this? I shouldn’t. I have no reason to be sad. I have every right and reason to be very happy, because I am. I am very happy. That is because of you. 
I shall end it here for a while. This is one month’s worth of silence. I know it’s the silliest letter I’ve ever written. It’s written in a blog that everyone might see. But it is for you and you alone. Their comments don’t matter. Yours do, though.
I love you so much. I will always cherish you. I will forever love and cherish you. You are mine no matter what happens.
It sounds selfish. I know.
So suffice to say…
I. Love. You.
Sincerely,
Me ^_^
