I’m chatting with a friend right now and he said he’ll chat me later because his mom is on the phone. The other day, another friend of mine asked me for some advice on what she should give her dad for his birthday. And well, in a few days, my dad is leaving for Oman and I’m thinking of something to give to him before he leaves. You know what, even though we come from different parents, we still have a lot in common, as children: Don’t we just love our parents very much? I mean… we’ll do everything, and I mean just about everything, for them! Although, there are some children who are, as one may call it, pain in the ass sometimes. Here in the Philippines, almost half of the children go on and do their “own” thing. I’m just glad I don’t belong to that bracket.

But of course, I have flaws inside of me, too, so I can’t blame myself if my mom or my dad is disappointed on the things I usually do.

All’s I’m saying is that no matter who you are, or what you are, or what you’ve become, your parents will always be right beside you! True that they’ll not always be in approval with the things you do but they’ll love you anyway!

*People ask me what my views on politics are. Actually, I don’t answer this question. It’s useless, really, to say things about something I’m not really sure I’d enjoy talking about. And anyway, it’s a waste of my time. Well, back then I had no idea what my views are, politically. But yeah, I suppose I should be thinking about it. It’s less than three or four months until the 2010 Elections in the Philippines. And I’m having a hard time choosing the best, actually, because to be frank, I see no good candidate worthy to be voted.

*But anyway, going back to the title of this entry, I was, a few months back, able to buy a book about a certain man to whom I became slowly fascinated by as time progresses. I learned a lot of things already, after reading only two chapters of it. And although it hasn’t really raised my ideals on Politics, his actions were all that I need to simply be captivated by him, personally. And really, I don’t know why, but Ronald Reagan, the man I was referring to, is the most idealistic person I’ve ever read or heard or listened about. It’s amazing how much people are saying about him. But yeah, one cannot always get away from the negativity of life. So what people say about him is a variety of good and of bad.

*Nonetheless, I find his ideals fascinating. And what’s good about him, really, is his total devotion to God. He never forgets to mention His Almighty in every speech or interview he has conducted. I admire him so much in his acting as well! If you’ve seen films such as “King’s Row” or “Knute Rockny: All American” then you’ll know what I mean.

*I cannot really say anything much. So I’ll end it here. After reading the book, maybe, then I’ll go back!

Okay, so as it turned out, a friend of mine and I had a fight. It’s a long backstabbing, bitchy sort of sarcastic conversation. We threw rocks at each other and apparently, what I threw was bigger. It hit my friend on the head like a dozen rocks coming from a Roman catapult. It hurt his pride so badly I could just cry for what I did. But anyway, I only did it because I want him to know that sometimes, we have to do that to let the other know that they’ve gone far enough, too! And I know it’s not healthy to do that. It’s the worst you could possibly do to someone you’ve been close to for the past months. I can’t blame him for getting mad at me or anything. I just wish he’d understand that what I did was for our own benefits. We both need to understand that we’re not supposed to say things like that. What came over us will surely help us become better individuals. I know I’ll try my best. I guess I do understand I’m not really what other people want me to be. I guess I just have to be… more… assured of myself next time. I have to do my best not to hurt anybody.

He is right. But you can’t deny the fact that he hurt my feelings, too! And that’s not good, too. Maybe that’s why I said those things, because I was afraid of getting hurt. Because I know that when I speak like that, I’ll reflect whatever hurtful things he said to me. I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. It’s just that it’s gone far enough I had to do something. Wouldn’t you know it, it was I who lost. Well, I didn’t really lose, I just opened my eyes and found out that I wasn’t even fighting anybody. I found out I was wrong, and I found out I became the worst I could be because of things I didn’t understand.

I’ll try to change myself. I’ll beg him for forgiveness when we see each other again. I don’t know how I’ll do that but I will. I have to gain his respect again.

Lately, I’ve been thinking, “Should I write a story about these three people?” I have an interesting story to tell, actually, because it’s based on a certain story of someone I know very well. And yeah, I think it’s really nice!

Short summary: [Which has been going on through my head...]

Elah had two best friends named Karlo and Rick. Karlo is the conservative, high-maintenance Executive VP of a company developing condo units in Makati. Rick, on the other hand, is the low-profile, super-sensitive and very timid owner of a Star Bucks franchise also in Makati. Originally, it was Karlo and Rick who were best friends. Yes, best friends who loved each other like no other couple did in their lifetime! Not until Elah comes into their lives. Elah, the overly obsessive-compulsive cleanliness maniac who enjoys drawing, painting and shopping, comes one night to their condo unit and decides to stay there. The two guys willingly took her in. But after a few months, after seeing how much Elah cared for both of them, tending to their every need at home as much as possible, they face a terrible challenge in their social being: They fall for her at the same time, even if they knew they’re not supposed to. How would they face it? Who would suffer in the end? Or would anybody suffer? ^^

Well, I have all the details of this story in my mind. I even have a Clamp-like anime drawing of the three of them. It’s an interesting MMK-ish type of story.

I’ll spoil a little bit of it: Elah would meet an accident after convincing Karlo that Rick really does care for him, and that he’d do anything for Karlo. Before going to Karlo’s house, Elah had a small talk with the then drunk Rick. And surprisingly, Rick, after having said that Karlo is by far the most important person in his life, also told Elah that she, too, is absolutely the most important woman in his life, and that he wouldn’t know what to do with his life without her by his side. For the first time in his life, he said “I love you” to a girl.

Umiiyak si Rick na nagsabing “I don’t know kung ano ang gagawin ko”

“sige I’ll go to his office to talk to him nalang,” sagot ko. Ngunit habang inihahanda ko na ang aking sarili palabas ng condo, bigla niya akong hinila.

“no, wait! Wag mo muna ako iwan. May sasabihin pa ako.”

Bigla akong kinabahan. Hindi ko alam kung anong susunod kong maririnig mula kay Rick. “ano yun?” tanong ko. Umupo muli kami at habang hinihintay ko na magsalita siya, hinawakan niya ang aking kamay. Ramdam ko ang takot at kaba mula sa pasmadong mga kamay niya.

“Elah, I-I…”

Bumibilis ang tibok ng aking puso. “ano? Bilisan mo naman.”

“I love you, Elah.”

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa aking narinig. Matapos sabihin ni Rick na mahal niya si Karlo, hindi ko inaasahang ako rin ay sasabihan niya ng I love you…

Surprisingly, the exact same thing happened at Karlo’s office.

Tulala parin ako pagkatapos marinig ang mga salitang iyon galing kay Rick. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit biglang ganito ang nararamdaman ko gayong alam ko naman na hindi kailanman magiging maganda ang relasyong ganoon. Maaari nga bang umibig ang isang bisekswal sa isang tulad ko? Mali, mali ata ito!

Lumabas mula sa kanyang banyo si Karlo na kagaya ng dati, malinis tingnan, at suot parin niya ang necktie na ibinigay ko noong birthday niya. All in all, okay naman ang disposisyon niya ng araw na iyon.

“kumain ka na ba?” tanong ni Karlo habang kumukuha ng bake macaroni mula sa mini-ref niya sa loob ng opisina.

“Oo, galing kasi ako kina Ricardo.”

Halata ang pagkagulat sa mga mata ni Karlo. Hindi niya rin siguro inaasahan na sa condo ni Rick ako manggagaling.

“Ano naman ang ginawa mo doon, aber?”

“Wala,” sabi ko. “Nakipag-usap lang ako. Sabi nga niya mahal ka daw niya e.”

Walang imik si Karlo.

“Hello? Narinig mo ba ako?”

“Oo. Pero hindi ako naniniwala.”

Nais kong sabihin kay Karlo kung ano pa ang nasabi ni Rick sa akin. Ngunit iniisip ko na baka lalo lang mag-init ang ulo ni Karlo.

“May sinabi pa ba siya?”

“Ha? Ah eh, oo!”

“Ano pa?” nararamdaman kong interisado rin si Karlo sa sinabi ni Rick.

“Sabi niya mahal niya rin daw ako.”

At tumahimik ang lahat. Nakatitig si Karlo sa akin habang nakatayo sa may tabi ng kanyang ref.

“Ano? Mahal ka niya?”

“Oo daw. Pero kasi ang turing ko kay Rick, o sa inyong dalawa, kapatid lamang. Yung sobrang malapit na mga kuya. Ganoon lang naman e. Kaya hindi ko na inisip masyado ang sinabi niya.”

“Pano ba niya sinabi? “Mahal kita” o “Mahal na mahal kita” o ano ba?

“I love you daw”

“I love you?” pasigaw na sabi ni Karlo.

Agad kong hinawakan ang kanyang kamay ngunit pilit na lumipat ng puwesto si Karlo malayo sa akin.

“Ano ka ba naman, K? Wag ka naman magselos o. Hindi ko naman sineryoso ang sinabi niya e.”

“Hindi mo sineryoso? Bakit? Eh papaano kung si Ricardo mismo, seryoso siya sa sinabi niya? Na mahal niya tayo pareho? Papaano kung gawin niya rin ang lahat para sa iyo katulad ng ginagawa niya sa akin? Hindi mo parin iyon seseryosohin?”

“Hindi ko naman kasi kailangang seryosohin kasi hindi naman mukhang seryoso!”

“Eh paano kung ako magsabi nun sa iyo? Hindi mo parin seseryosohin?”

Napatitig ako sa kanya nang tinanong niya ako. Lumapit siya sa sofa na kinauupuan ko at hinawakan niya rin ang aking mga kamay na ngayo’y nanginginig na sa sobrang kalituhan. Hindi ko nga rin siya matingnan nang diretso e.

“Elah, alam kong hindi mo maiintindihan pero mahal na mahal rin kita, kagaya ng pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko kay Rick. Alam kong mahirap tanggapin o maunawaan pero iyon ang nararamdaman ko. Siguro tama ka nang sabihin mo na hindi kami lubusang iba sa ibang mga lalaki, dahil may puso man kaming babae, lalaki parin kami. Bi nga, kung sabihin mo. Pero sana maintindihan mo kahit paano na iyon ang nararamdaman ko. Kaya nga lubusan din ang inis ko nang marinig ko mula sa iyo na sinabi rin ni Rick ang mga salitang iyon. Sabi mo pa, hindi mo seseryosohin. Paano naman kami, Elah? Paano ako?”

“Karlo…” at inakap niya ako nang mahigpit.

Lumuluha akong umalis ng opisina ni Karlo. Nagmamadali akong lisanin ang lugar na iyon upang maiwasang habulin niya. Ayoko sanang umalis, ngunit ayoko ring paniwalaan ang kanilang mga sinabi. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin iyon. Masakit para sa akin ang kanilang sinabi dahil ang alam ko, silang dalawa ang nagmamahalan.

Unti unting bumibilis ang pagtakbo ng aking sasakyan. Hindi ko na nga mapigilan ang pagbilis e. Siguro magandang may mangyari na sa akin kaysa umuwi pa ako sa bahay nang alam kong hinihintay ako ni Rick.

Maya maya pa ay may tumama sa gilid ng aking sasakyan. At hindi ko na alam ang susunod na nangyari…

[So far, that's the climax of the story. I don't know how I'll start it, though. I'm planning to write soon! ]

I’ve just realized that the end is really here. And I mean it already came last week! I don’t know when or where I should start saying goodbye, but I guess, or suppose I have to. It’s really hard once you’re in that crucial position where in you won’t know if you’re going to cry or laugh or be mad or be lonely.

Okay, so what I just said is a little confusing.

And yeah, it’s kinda hard to say goodbye to the people you’re just starting to love, and now you have to let go.

I think it’s bogus to say that the end is coming, so this time, I won’t say it. Well, there are certain things that needs to be stopped, or paused for a while, because we have to venture out into another path…

As you know, the term is coming to an end. I have a lot of things to pass this Dec. 15. And I haven’t done anything yet! Well, I suppose I should begin later or tomorrow evening, so my mind is set up on… that!

What else is ending? I suppose I could say my Espian experience is ending. My last day would be the 18th, but I’m not sure about that yet, of course. Things change over time, after all. My last class-by-class meeting would officially be over on the 14th. Actually, tomorrow should have been the last but I love my students so much, I’ll have to extend the gratitude! And I have to give something to St. Catherine for always helping me out. I suppose I should give them the crayon or a magic pencil or something. Something to remember me by! As for the other sections, I think I’ll push through with the words of wisdom thingy. But I’d rather leave them with short simple messages… The problem is… how would I ever do that?

And if I may say so myself… The relationship I have had with my CT professionally is coming to an end. I will never be his ST again. But hey, I can always be his friend. I’ve considered him one of the people I will always remember [or never forget] and I feel so blessed to have known him for such a short period of time. What I like about our relationship as CT-ST are these: we work professionally, treat each other as equals, and at the same time we help each other out. I can’t say how long it would be before we see each other again. But what I do know is this: when we see each other again, we’ll know we’re still friends.

I don’t know what I’ll give him for Christmas. I was thinking maybe a poster or a framed artwork that I’ll do of him. And perhaps a letter. I’ll give Ms. D a letter, too! And a drawing.

And yes, I know, Ms. Tiny gave each of us a colored pencil. She gave me a pink one! I feel so happy about it. But we’ll still meet her later, so I’m not really saying goodbye just yet!

I must be sick writing that title… I don’t even know why I did it! Dami kaya nangyari ngayong linggo… But I feel so happy, nonetheless! I think I don’t really have to elaborate more on what happened to me throughout the week. I repeat, I’ve never been so happier!

“Talaga?”

“Oo nga…”

“Talagang talaga?”

“Oo nga e. Ang kulit mo.”

“Talaga? Nakakakilig naman!”

“Anong nakakakilig dun?”

“Kasi dalawang kaibigan ko na ang inlove! Ang saya saya naman.”

“Sino pa ung isa?”

“Edi ung minamahal mo!”

“Nyeh!”

I recently heard “Minsan” by the Eraserheads and it sort of reminded me so much about the new friends I met during this term. It feels so good listening to it! I’ll sing it over and over again nga

Christmas is coming… So I better make this now… I’ll make it easy for this year…

1. Itchyworms Noontime Show album
2. Itchyworms Self Titled album
3. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
4. Confessions of a Shopaholic book 1 [This would make my collection complete]
5. Samsung Corby [Wish granted]
6. External Hard drive – 80 GB
7. a 4.0 in PRACTICUM
8. a rose from somebody close to me…
9. a Beatles tshirt
10. a new DLSU tshirt
11. to be able to buy gifts for Christmas

So far, that’s what  I want… I hope they’re easy enough to be granted…

When you’re stressed, there are a lot of things going on in your mind. Sometimes, other people are affected by your sudden change of mood, or sudden uneasiness in doing your work. Even those who are dear to you would have a hard time coping with what you’re going through right now. Of course, you should take the initiative to do something about it. But why does it seem so hard to do that? If you have more than 5 stressful things to do in your list, would that mean that your view towards life at the present may be affected?

top 3 Stress-ors…

1. AR

2. PRACTICUM

3. LITECRI & STYLIST, and KASPIL2 and TREDTRI

I only indicated 3 because apparently, these three affects my individuality in life. It penetrates through my bones and little by little, I can feel the intensity and the burning sensation of each. It hurts, of course. I try my hardest to be happy about it, but I can’t seem to. Wouldn’t that be too strange???